Smile, Play, Dream

See a Little Light

2011-10-22T08:42:00.001-07:00

After 6 days of medication, I am feeling significantly better already. I did not realize that I was sleeping so poorly. I feel like I am on an upswing, and am getting back to myself again. I am grateful for solutions and support to help me.

I keep having this song run through my head now. It feels like it represents my hope coming back.

I also talked to a friend who reminds me about the book Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes. It helped remind me that I am not alone in facing transitions, and that is OK for me to be where I am. It feels like I amhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif in the neutral zone. I was reading a blog that described it like this.

The neutral zone is that in-between place where we lose our sense of relatedness and purpose. So much of who we are is tied up in the old way of life that we feel lost and empty without it. At this stage, there’s nothing new to anchor us or to give us any context or meaning, and that can be difficult, confusing and painful.

That sounds about right to me.

Finding My Way Back

2011-10-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

I have been gone for a long time. I miss this space. I miss being here, and yet I am also scared to come back. I am scared to admit how I have lost myself and how hard it is to try to find my way back. I feel a little bit stuck in no mans land, not sure where I am or where I am going. I just know that things have got to change.

For 2011 I picked the word RELEASE as my word, and it has turned out to quite accurate. In August I finally quit my high pressure, high stress job because I could no longer sustain it. I had wanted to go for a year a half before I did, as it was getting harder and harder to do and I was getting further and further from myself. It was hard, it was scary, it still is scary. I left behind things I wanted to do, people I care about and really miss, a good salary, and a prestigious place to work. But there was no other option. I trued very hard to find a way to make it work, but I had pushed myself too far. The final straw was when I threw up from stress thinking about gearing up for the next semester. In that moment, I knew it was over and I knew I had to choose myself.

It has been an interesting road since I quit. I was so exhausted and burnt out that it took a while to come back to myself. After about a month, I started to feel like me again, I was excited about the possibilities. I launched a new consulting business and I was coming up with new ideas for things to do in the future. It felt good. I could see a life where I could fit work inside my life instead of fitting life around my work. Then I started to feel myself drifting away again. I started to feel sad and cloudy, to isolate myself and to feel so alone and so anxious.

Yesterday I was diagnosed with major depression, recurrent, and I am going back on antidepressants. I have been having a hard time talking about it. I am angry that I have to deal with this on top of everything else. I wish that it could have been just the job and that quitting the job made things better, but instead it is a harder and deeper transition then I realized. I have to get to the point where I can heal that part of me that needs to keep going past the point that is good for me. I need to get right with myself and make sure my needs are getting met. I need to let go of the patterns that keep me from speaking up and from stopping when it gets to be too much. I need to learn to ask for help.

I am working on putting my oxygen mask on first. It is not easy, and day by day I have to work on taking care of myself along with doing the things I need to do. I am hopeful that this medication can help me feel like me again. I miss that excited, hopeful, confident person I had just a few weeks ago. I keep thinking about what I need, and the name of this blog keeps coming into my mind. I need to make the space to smile, to play, and to dream. I need to fine me again.

The Distance Between Feeling Lost and Feeling Free

2011-03-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have been going through a lot lately, somewhat silently. I have been trying to wrestle away from the "should's" and "supposed to's" and have really been spending some time thinking about who I want to be and what I want to do with my life.

As I start to disentangle myself from my preconceived ideas about the life I am supposed to live, I find myself struggling. I feel a little bit lost at sea, like I am not sure what to use to define my bearings, where I am or where I am going.

I keep having this image of myself as a helium balloon that has been let go. As I float through the sky, I find myself taking on two different attitudes.

One is FEAR. Oh shit! I am not where I used to be. I am feeling lost. I feel alone. I need to go back. This is scary.

One is FREEDOM. Woohoo! I am not stuck anymore. I am feeling excited. I feel connected. I can float around and explore and see what is out there. This is fun.

Sometimes it feels like a very fine line between these two perspectives and other times it feels like a giant chasm.

In fear, I am impatient. I am in my head. I am distracted. I start needing something to happen, some security. I am in the future. I want to force things, I want to know. I lose faith.

In freedom, I am patient. I am faith. I am in my body and in my life. I feel OK with how things are. I feel present. Opportunities present themselves. I follow my instincts. I trust.

The dance back and forth between these two perspectives is exhausting and at times frustrating. It is hard to let go of the old identity and definitions of who I am and who I am allowed to be.

Yet, I am starting to realize that each foray into the freedom perspective changes me, and nudges me to follow my heart and to take some small action. Instead of judging myself for all the times I find myself in fear, I want to celebrate all of the times I find myself in freedom. I want to embrace this paradigm shift and to really, truly believe that it will all turn out just fine, that it is much more about the journey then the endpoint, and that I will be loved and supported no matter what I do.

Happy New Year

2011-01-02T19:54:00.001-08:00

It is the time of year for me to choose a new word for the year. It is interesting, because I really have this feeling that 2011 will be a year when things shift pretty significantly in my world. I feel it coming, and it feels different. Instead of striving, planning and trying to accomplish, I feel like I am going about it differently this time. This time I am going to stop, to get quiet, to listen to the little voice inside my heart. I am going to stop asking too much of myself, and I am going to make the small steps it takes to live more in accordance to my values, who I am, and what I want.

This idea keeps giving me visions of creating clearings -- all kinds of clearings.

Image from http://www.landclearingspecialists.com/

Clearing out old identities and limiting self-definitions from my spirit.
Clearing out old injuries and pain from my body.
Clearing out sugar from my body.
Clearing out clutter from my house.
Clearing out clutter from my mind by taking long walks with no ipod.

I want to make a space, cleared out and open, ready for new things. A space grounded in patience and faith that it will all work out if I stop to connect to my heart and that little still voice that speaks within.

So this year, my word is RELEASE. I will let go of the things that are holding me back and weighing me down, and I will see where 2011 takes me.

I am grateful for a friend's blog where she posted this quote, which sums up exactly what I have in mind.

Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you truly love.... -Rumi

Change Your Life in 30 Days -- Day 7

2010-06-21T21:48:00.001-07:00

Are You Making It Up or Is It True?

Today I acknowledge myself for signing up for the Mondo Beyondo Dream Lab
Today I acknowledge myself for making my play kit
Today I acknowledge myself for spending time with my husband
Today I acknowledge myself for decluttering my kitchen shelves, top of my desk, and some toys
Today I acknowledge myself for getting the supplies I needed from the container store
Today I acknowledge myself for going to yoga
Today I acknowledge myself for attending the head, neck and shoulders workshop
Today I acknowledge myself for making plans for the family to take a day tour at Safari West
Today I acknowledge myself for getting my husband fathers day cards and a present
Today I acknowledge myself for sticking to my protein shakes for 4 days as part of my 28 day Wellness Program
Today I acknowledge myself for taking the kids to the park
Today I acknowledge myself for doing my easy pose yoga practice
Today I acknowledge myself for taking the kids (and myself) to see Toy Story 3
Today I acknowledge myself for bringing Lucas to Lego camp
Today I acknowledge myself for letting it be OK that I missed some days in doing this 30 day program

Why can't you be true to yourself?
I am afraid people won't like me and that I won't be accepted.
I am afraid that I will do things that people won't like.
I won't go with the flow anymore.
I won't be "responsible".
It would be selfish.

What excuses do you make up when things don't go your way?
People don't care.
I don't deserve it.
Life's not fair.
I didn't work hard enough.
I just have to suck it up.
That's just how life is.

What things are you making up about the people you love?
That they don't want me to change.
That they won't like me if I change.
That they don't care enough.
That they don't want the same things I do.
That they won't really love me if I am true to myself.
That they are selfish.

List the emotions that you feel when you make things up about people.
lonely
sad
dissappointed
hurt
invisible
belittled

If you had to ask yourself, Am I making this up or is it true, before you could speak, how would your life change?
I would not take things so personally
I would not overreact to situations based on old emotional baggage
I would respond to life as a grown-up instead of as a wounded kid

I'm So Excited

2010-06-21T21:39:00.000-07:00

On the spur of the moment, I decided to sign up for the Mondo Beyondo Dream Lab this summer. It is all about playing, resting, being kind to yourself and learning. It feels like just what I need right now, and I am feeling just so excited.

I had so much fun today with the first assignment -- to put together my Play Kit. Can't wait to see what each day brings.

If you are feeling in need of some play, rest, kindness, and learning please consider joining too.

Change Your Life in 30 Days -- Day 6

2010-06-18T14:45:00.001-07:00

Stretch, Risk or Die

1. Today I acknowledge myself for hosting playgroup.
2. Today I acknowledge myself for following the first day of my all protein shake day of my 28 day wellness program.
3. Today I acknowledge myself for telling my husband that I was blogging again.
4. Today I acknowledge myself for sleeping in.
5. Today I acknowledge myself for helping Lucas plant his seeds this morning.

Area of change: career

List 5 stretches you could take:

clean up my home office
clean up my work office
work at home 2-3 times a week
call a financial planner
manage my schedule better -- no back to back meeting, time for yoga

List 5 risks you could take:

meet with a financial planner
implement the transition plan
stop doing things I don't want to do anymore
visit the school near my house that I am interested in
take more vacation time

List 5 actions you could take that would feel so scary you would feel like a part of you were dying:

quit my job
ask for a leave of absence
job search and apply for another job
start my own business
ask my bosses to create a transition plan so that I can leave

If you stretched each day, how would your life change?
I would make progress in little steps towards the life I really want.
I would build my confidence.
I would realize that other people support me to do this and are not upset about it.

What stretch, risk, or die must you take in order to change your life?
Stop doing things I don't want to do anymore.

What stretch, risk or die have you ignored that is stopping you from being true to yourself?
Wanting to quit my job.

Which stretch, risk or die do you want to avoid at all costs?
Asking for a leave of absence and quitting my job.

Change Your Life in 30 Days -- Day 5

2010-06-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

Affirmations, Intentions and Goals

1. Today I acknowledge myself for getting the snacks and drinks I needed to host playgroup tomorrow.
2. Today I acknowledge myself for getting the kids to their last day of swimming lessons.
3. Today I acknowledge myself for resting.
4. Today I acknowledge myself for blogging.
5. Today I acknowledge myself for talking to my husband about moving some stuff of his that was bothering me.

My affirmation: I am now following my inner voice.

My intention: I am now checking in with what I want and taking actions to make it happen each day.

My 5 goals:

Take some quiet time for me every day.
Continue to complete this process and blog.
Eat well.
Get enough rest.
Do my yoga practice.

How would your life be different if you lived by your intention? I would do things simply because they sound fun or interesting. I would have more time for me. I would make more conscious choices about how to use my time and energy.

How would your life change if your intention made your decision for you? I would check in with myself more often, I would stop saying yes or no to things without really checking in with myself, I would listen to and follow my yearnings and desires more.

Describe a relationship using intention as the foundation.
A relationship would be based on the intention to be present and connected with people. This would also mean telling the truth and really listening.

If you could create any intention what would it be? I am now focusing on doing things that feel exciting and adventurous and make me feel more alive.

Song for Inspirtation

2010-06-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

"Unwritten"
Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Change Your Life in 30 Days -- Day 4

2010-06-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

Purpose and Passion

1. Today I acknowledge myself for trying the cucumber parsley protein shake.
2. Today I acknowledge myself for asking my husband to take the kids to swimming lessons.
3. Today I acknowledge myself for taking the women's leadership resiliency webinar.
4. Today I acknowledge myself for getting my kids to dress themselves, and for Lucas being willing to help Owen get dressed.
5. Today I acknowledge myself for planning a day trip to Safari West.

How does passion show up in your life right now? playing with my kids, working with teachers and students directly, promoting college going, giving kids good science and math education

What would your friends say about you of you were more passionate? Coworkers? Family? that I seem happier and more fun, that I enjoy life more, that I inspire them, that I encourage them, a sense of purpose, a sense of excitement, that we celebrate more

What is scary about passion? focusing on one thing at the expense of others, speaking up and getting judged, taking risks and getting hurt, failing sometimes, wanting to do thigns other people don't want to do

Name three things that you fear would happen if you were more passionate.
I would want to have more fun and would stop doing things I need to do.
I would have to stop hiding and be more authentic and vulnerable.
I would become dominating and pushy around seeing things my way.

Name three things that could occur that would change your life if you were more passionate.
I would dream bigger and achieve more meaningful things.
I would have more fun and adventure.
I would be excited.

25 Things that I Love

seeing my kids smile
the ocean
animals
trees
sunshine
swimming
corn on the cob
blackberries
Carly feeling good
helping others
down comforters
reading good books
bright, vibrant color
turtles
convertibles
listening to music
cuddling
a clean house
spending time with friends
learning
cooking
playing games
going on adventures
blogging
margaritas

What is your purpose? to be kind and loving, to raise kind and loving sons, to listen, care and be there for people, to support people

Name three lessons you can learn from your present living situation.
1. To be patient with the process.
2. That I can't do everything.
3. How much I want to be part of the community.

Name three lessons you can learn from your present job.
1. To be able to say no
2. To ask for what I want
3. To dream big

Name three lessons you can learn from your present relationship.
1. That there is more than one way to do something.
2. That relaxing is important.
3. That it is important to understand each others currency in terms of what is important to us and what makes us feel loved.

Change Your Life in 30 Days -- Day 3

2010-06-15T22:48:00.001-07:00

Building Your Confidence Muscle

1. Today I acknowledge myself for going for a pedicure.
2. Today I acknowledge myself for getting Lucas a new swimshirt before swimming lessons today.
3. Today I acknowledge myself for trusting my coach.
4. Today I acknowledge myself for making a play date with a friend.
5. Today I acknowledge myself for not being too hard on myself when I made a poor eating choice.

Define confidence: feeling secure in your decisions and who you are.

How would you know if you had confidence? I would speak up, share my true feelings, do what I wanted without worrying about what other people will think.

I want to build my confidence in the area of speaking up.
If I had more confidence I could say no more.
When I am with a confident person, I feel empowered.
When I feel confident I can do anything.
I am confident 60 percent of the time.
If I had more confidence, I would be truer to myself because I would live by my own rules instead of by other people's rules.

My top 10 confident moments

Obtaining a restraining order
Putting up an online personal ad
Interviewing for my current job
Winning the golden apple fellowship
Taking Owen to the ER when Lucas sprayed carpet cleaner in his eyes
Supporting someone else in dealing with a restraining order
When Lucas said at preschool that my favorite thing to do is to love him
Ending a relationship that wasn't working
Driving around the country by myself
Mentoring a graduate student

Name three challenges you are having right now.
1. I don't see my friends enough
2. I feel too busy and rushed
3. I don't take time to care for myself.

Now imagine that you had confidence, what would you do differently
1. Call people and make time to see them.
2. Say no to things.
3. Make time to life weights, bike ride or go swimming

What feelings are you afraid to feel regarding these circumstances?
1. rejection
2. disappointing people
3. I am not a good mom if I take time for me

If you were no longer afraid of your feelings and could count on yourself, what could be the happy ending for these challenges?
1. Having regular time set aside to spend with the people I care about.
2. Having more free time to see friends and to take care of me. Feeling calmer.
3. Having a healthier body and better stress management.

What can you gain or learn from these situations that you can apply to other areas of your life?
1. Setting priorities makes things happen.
2. I am in control of my time and energy and I should spend it wisely.
3. Everything I do is dependent upon my well-being, so it is important for me to take care of myself.

What is keeping you from getting that result?
1. excuses -- I don't have time
2. the need to please people, to achieve to do things
3. feeling like a true mom puts her kids first -- martyr mom idea

What decision has been avoided because you haven't had the confidence to decide?
What do to do about my job.

Name one thing you would do right now if you had more confidence
Plan a night away somewhere by myself

Would you be able to make more money? How much more?
I am not sure. I think I might make less money, but there is more to success than just money.

If you were confident would you have same job, friends, mate?
I would have a difference job. I would have the same friends, but I would see certain friends more. I would have the same mate, unless what we wanted out of life totally diverged

Change Your Life in 30 Days -- Day 2

2010-06-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

Day 2 -- Give Credit Where Credit is Due

My filtering system is: "If I am doing better than I think I am, why don't I feel better?"

"My feelings determine my day and override my logic. I have a lot of feelings but hardly any that allow me to feel good to about myself. They can so easily sidetrack me from my goals."

50 Acknowledgments for the last year.

Today I acknowledge myself for getting back to blogging.
Today I acknowledge myself for reading this book and doing the exercises.
Today I acknowledge myself for taking time off of work.
Today I acknowledge myself for deciding to do 40 things for turning 40.
Today I acknowledge myself for being there for my sister, Brad,a and Carly.
Today I acknowledge myself for doing yoga.
Today I acknowledge myself for getting Thai massages.
Today I acknowledge myself for getting approval from the state for my credential program
Today I acknowledge myself for asking for help with managing at work.
Today I acknowledge myself for planning a trip to Vegas with my husband.
Today I acknowledge myself for choosing to wear colorful clothes and accessories.
Today I acknowledge myself for playing Legos with Lucas.
Today I acknowledge myself for reading with my kids.
Today I acknowledge myself for signing my kids up for swimming lessons.
Today I acknowledge myself for volunteering at the Spring Party at preschool.
Today I acknowledge myself for supporting a friend of a a friend with a restraining order hearing.
Today I acknowledge myself for cooking pumpkin muffins with my sons.
Today I acknowledge myself for taking my kids to the beach.
Today I acknowledge myself for supporting my staff.
Today I acknowledge myself for teaching student teachers.
Today I acknowledge myself for participating in and hosting play groups.
Today I acknowledge myself for no longer using paper towels and paper napkins.
Today I acknowledge myself for planting a garden.
Today I acknowledge myself for building a drip watering system.
Today I acknowledge myself for contributing to my sons' college fund.
Today I acknowledge myself for getting a tattoo.
Today I acknowledge myself for getting a raise.
Today I acknowledge myself for mentoring graduate students.
Today I acknowledge myself for taking my kids to the dentist for check-ups.
Today I acknowledge myself for taking my kids to the doctor for physicals.
Today I acknowledge myself for signing my kids up for preschool and kindergarten.
Today I acknowledge myself for deciding to go on a cruise to Mexico with 3 other moms in October.
Today I acknowledge myself for helping a friend with resumes and job application essays.
Today I acknowledge myself for volunteering to take furlough days to spend time with my kids so my staff would not have to.
Today I acknowledge myself for coming up with the ideas for MfA Berkeley.
Today I acknowledge myself for seeing a chiropractor.
Today I acknowledge myself for going to visit my brother in Santa Cruz.
Today I acknowledge myself for being co-author on a publication.
Today I acknowledge myself for speaking up about a difficult situation at work.
Today I acknowledge myself for taking a second job to get out of debt.
Today I acknowledge myself for having our bedroom painted green.
Today I acknowledge myself for doing a 28 day wellness program with my husband.
Today I acknowledge myself for talking to my bosses about the issues with my job.
Today I acknowledge myself for preparing for program review site visits and phone calls.
Today I acknowledge myself for getting a mammogram.
Today I acknowledge myself for hiring a coach.
Today I acknowledge myself for being a part of Team Carly at the Bay Area Brain Tumor Walk
Today I acknowledge myself for traveling to Chile to set up a study abroad program.
Today I acknowledge myself for wearing a dress to spa night.
Today I acknowledge myself for completing this list.

In what area of your life do you have a hard time giving yourself credit for? household tasks -- cleaning, laundry,cooking, etc...

In what area would you like to acknowledge yourself more? Being a good friend and spouse

What could happen if you gave yourself more credit? I could stop taking myself for-granted. I could focus on what I do instead of the things that aren't done. I could focus on the good things instead of the bad things.

Are you willing to give yourself more credit? Yes!

5 more acknowledgments

Today I acknowledge myself for taking the Awakening Joy class.
Today I acknowledge myself for talking to my friend every Monday.
Today I acknowledge myself for finishing the laundry.
Today I acknowledge myself for cooking a stir fry this morning so we would have food for the week.
Today I acknowledge myself for talking to the alumni person from HMC and agreeing to help with the 20 year reunion.

Change Your Life in 30 Days -- Day 1

2010-06-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to the audio book of Rhonda Britten's Change Your Life in 30 Days. I am finding it useful and inspiring in terms of reminding me that I am the architect of my own life. So, I decided to take it on. I am not sure if I will complete it in 30 days, but here's a start.

Day 1 -- A New Beginning

Being true to yourself would mean: aligning my head with my heart, following my intuition, not going against my better judgment, speaking up

If you were true to yourself you could: say yes and no, take better control of my time and energy, speak up, stop feeling stuck

If you were true to yourself you would let go of: pleasing people, being afraid of letting people down, letting my life be driven by the outside, holding things in, not asking for help, being quiet, sucking it up

Define Success: Being a calm, kind loving person. Raising good sons. Having close relationships with my husband, friends, and family. Sharing what I know with others. Supporting others to be the best they can be. Having fun and adventures.

You felt successful when: I saw the light bulb of understanding turn on in my students. I saw my boys being kind to each other and sharing. I rode a century bike ride. I got my current job. I helped someone in need. I comforted a crying child. My proposal was accepted.

You would be more successful if : I stopped avoiding conflict and if I spoke up more.

What would you need to do to have a successful life? To slow down and be present so that I can enjoy what I have. To stop trying to do too much. To define success for myself instead of allowing other people to define it for me.

What would you have to let go of? Seeking approval through what I do. Making other people happy over myself.

How would being true to yourself change your life? I would be less stressed. I would feel capable of handling my life. I would say no more. I would be happier.

If you are true to yourself, what are you afraid might happen? My husband might not want to do what I want to do and we would need to get a divorce. People won't like me or will be disappointed with me. We won't have enough money to pay our bills. People will think I am wasting my education.

What has stopped you before from becoming the best you possible? Not wanting to rock the boat. Going along with others so as not to avoid conflict. Making up that I will lose the negotiation before I even ask, and then not asking. Pushing myself too hard. Not asking for help.

Describe the you that you would like to be in 30 days. I would like to be full of energy and excitement for my life. I would like to feel more connected to my community and the people in my life. I would like to feel excited and energetic. I would like to feel vibrant and engaged in life.

What is one thing you are willing to do today to be more true to yourself? Rest, take a nap.

40 Things continued

2010-06-04T11:11:00.001-07:00

I have continued to make progress on my 40 things, although now that the year is almost over I feel some pressure to finish up this list. 8 more to go.

25. Get a personalized Healing Necklace

26. See Cirque du Soleil

27. Go geocaching

28. See Wicked

29. Go to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk

30. Volunteer at the Preschool Spring Party

31. Get fun, colorful new clothes

32. Build a Snowman

I'm Back

2010-06-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, the last 5 months have gone by in a blur, and for a variety of reasons have been rather stressful. I find myself drawn back to the name of this blog.

Smile -- I want to smile more and be happy.
Play -- I want to play more and enjoy life more.
Dream -- I dream of the life I want.

I am tired of always being in a rush, of always feeling busy and overwhelmed.
I am tired of a long commute and spending a lot of time driving around.
I am tired to always being tired.
I am tired of not seeing the people I care about.
I am tired of swimming upstream all of the time.

I dream of a life with a slower pace, a life where I have the time and energy to cook healthy food for myself and my family, a life where there is down time and I am not always on to the next thing.

I dream of a life where I am a part of my community. Where I both live and work in the same community. Where I drop off my kids at school and pick them up. Where I do homework with them, play with them, spend time talking to them.

I dream of a life where I see my friends more, invite people over for dinner.

I dream of quitting my job at the university. I dream of finding a job that is more in balance with the rest of my life. I dream of a job that doesn't require so much "heavy lifting" from me.

I dream of helping children, of listening to them and hugging them. I dream of helping them know their unlimited potential and supporting them to accomplish their dreams.

It is time to work to make this dream a reality. To slow down the pace of my life. To build a life that works all together and feels doable, sustainable, possible.

It is time to smile, play and dream again.

Who Are You Meant to Be?

2010-01-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

Take the quiz.

YOU ARE STRIVING TO BE IN CONTROL
You are a leader: You approach everything as though you were born to be in charge. Confident, assertive, and decisive, you know what you want and you go after it. You also look out for family, friends, and community—you feel you know what's best for them—and have no fear of confronting anyone who challenges your ideas. Taking the driver's seat, you also generously donate time and energy to people and neighborhood projects.

What to watch out for: When you feel threatened, or others refuse to go along with your agenda, you can become confrontational and domineering, sometimes to the point of being dictatorial. Practice letting someone else take charge on occasion. Also try meditation; it can help you be-come more aware of your controlling impulses and ease the anxiety that may be provoking them.

Looking ahead: You discover your purpose when you take control of your environment. For you, finding a decision-making role is key. That could mean anything from producing a play to spearheading a global campaign for something you care about. In work, you're suited for leadership positions in education, government, industry, finance, religious institutions, or politics. But you can find satisfaction anytime you're given the autonomy to do things your own way.

YOUR SCORES
Many people have two or three strong striving styles, and they can all be important in leading you to the person you are meant to be. If you have a few "highest" scores, read each matching description, and see what rings most true.

Striving to help: 16
Striving to be recognized: 13
Striving to be creative: 16
Striving to be spontaneous: 14
Striving to be knowledgeable: 15
Striving to be secure: 14
Striving to be in control: 18

STRIVING TO HELP
You scored: 16
You are a nurturer: You are caring and supportive in your personal relationships as well as in your job. Unselfish and altruistic by nature, you often anticipate the needs of those around you before they are aware of them. If there is one thing that brings you satisfaction, it's tending to others.

What to watch out for: When you're doing things for people only to feel valued, you can become resentful. And if you sense that your help is not appreciated, you may end up playing the martyr. So before giving your time to everyone else, make sure to take care of yourself (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). And practice waiting until someone asks for help: While you may be able to perceive what a person needs, that doesn't mean she wants you to attend to it.

Looking ahead: It's important for you to be genuinely of service in acknowledged ways. Whether you foster a child, care for an elderly aunt, rescue animals, or support a rock star's career as her personal assistant, look for opportunities where you can help other people or bigger causes. Volunteer work has your name written on it, as do many careers: nursing, teaching, customer service, healing, social work. Don't feel pressured to run the company or lead the project; you may be even more effective as someone's right hand. And you'll likely find working with other people more meaningful than flying solo.

STRIVING TO BE RECOGNIZED
You scored: 13
You are an achiever: Ambitious, competitive, and hardworking: That's you. With a clear image of who you are, you work tirelessly to make sure your accomplishments are recognized. Your drive for success extends to your family, and you invest a lot of energy in helping them live up to your expectations. Thanks to your knack for diplomacy and abundant charisma, you often inspire others.

What to watch out for: You are prone to becoming a workaholic, slaving away toward success while neglecting your personal life. Because you're driven to gain approval, you can find yourself performing for others like an actor; if you become overly concerned with your image, you end up feeling superficial. To keep your ambition under control, get involved in group activities that require cooperation. Also practice listening to those around you and think about sharing the spotlight from time to time.

Looking ahead: Any career that allows you to scale the ranks and gain recognition, status, even material rewards, lights you up. Actress, entrepreneur, salesperson, politician—you get the picture. And consider balancing your professional challenges with personal ones: Run a 10K, train for a triathlon, compete in a tennis tournament, bike from one end of your state to the other; or join a debate team, play in a poker circle, enter your purebred spaniel in a dog show. Whenever you can win at something, you're happy.

STRIVING TO BE CREATIVE
You scored: 16
You are an artist: You came out of the womb with a paintbrush in your hand. Or maybe it was a flute or a castanet or a fountain pen to go with your poet's imagination. The point is, you're an original, and you know it. Even if you don't have a singular gift, you're drawn to the arts—anything creative, for that matter—and you have a unique way of looking at the world. Your need for depth and authenticity in relationships can lead to both great joy and profound sorrow, depending on whether others reciprocate. You don't care so much about adapting to group or societal expectations; your independence and sharp intuition propel you on your own path.

What to watch out for: When fear of conformity overrides your creativity, you can assume the role of "outsider" or "orphan" and end up feeling alienated. You may even go so far as refusing to vote or pay taxes. This lone-wolf stance might be a defense against feeling vulnerable. Try to be aware that blaming others for your banishment, or pushing away those who want to get close, only makes things worse. Also, dramatizing your emotions can interfere with your creativity.

Looking ahead: As long as you genuinely express yourself, you feel like the person you were meant to be. How you do it is irrelevant. A chef or architect can be as much of an artist as a painter or sculptor. Many advertising and public relations executives are also highly imaginative. Beyond work, there are opportunities everywhere you look to coax out your inner artist: Design your own jewelry line, create an innovative blog, dream up a comic strip. Relationships are another avenue for self-expression.

STRIVING TO BE SPONTANEOUS
You scored: 14
You are an adventurer: Action-oriented, curious, outgoing, and often technically gifted, you live for new experiences. You are drawn to risk-taking and aren't afraid to fail. Generally restless, you tend to job-hop or choose a field that offers constant novelty. If you had to name your favorite place, it might be the center of attention—you're a born entertainer, and can easily adapt to any audience. While you collect many acquaintances, you're less likely to develop deep, committed relationships.

What to watch out for: When you can't satisfy your thirst for variety and excitement, you may see yourself as trapped, which can lead to impulsive and self-destructive behavior—drinking, drugs, breaking off relationships, ditching financial responsibilities. Try to find value in some traditions; if you learn to appreciate repetitive experiences, you won't always feel the urge to bust free. And when a new opportunity thrills you, keep in mind that just because it sounds exciting, that doesn't mean it's good for you.

Looking ahead: Life will have meaning for you as long as you feel stimulated. That might mean chasing twisters, exploring the polar ice caps, getting a degree in dance therapy, or becoming an astronaut. It might also mean reading new books, attending workshops, or letting yourself get swept up in an intoxicating romance. As a risk-lover with a lot of energy, you're a natural entrepreneur. You'll be happiest if you change jobs every so often and travel extensively. Movement is what keeps you going.

STRIVING TO BE KNOWLEDGEABLE
You scored: 15
You are an intellectual: As a leader, you're often ahead of your time. As an employee, you try to surpass the competence level of peers, even managers. Incisive and curious, you're driven to deeply understand how things work. But that's things, not people. Oh, your family and friends are important; it's just that you don't need to spend hours engaging with them. Social validation isn't your goal—you're secure enough in your cerebral pursuits.

What to watch out for: When you can't find a way to be the expert, you may withdraw or simply withhold information, which can make you seem smug or arrogant. If you feel yourself retreating into your own world, seek a friend's help to pull you back. Also balance your cerebral tendencies through physical activities like jogging, hiking, or dance.

Looking ahead: You discover who you are meant to be through accumulating insight and knowledge. So follow your curiosity. Are you drawn to learning Mandarin? Join-ing a philosophy society? Studying and practicing Buddhist meditation? Delving into the complexities of computer programming? Writing a historical book? Pursuits that place you near the leading edge of technology, science, psychology, academia, or business are good bets. But any situation that allows you to work independently with freedom to investigate and innovate will fuel your drive.

STRIVING TO BE SECURE
You scored: 14
You are a stabilizer: You are the rock in a storm, the one others lean on. Loyal and com-mitted in your relationships, you maintain a support system of like-minded people whom you look out for. (So what if you do it behind the scenes and don't get credit?) You're careful with money, cherish the familiar, and defend the traditions you care about.

What to watch out for: Rapidly changing environments (like a shaky economy) are very hard for you. As a result of such instability, you can spiral into a state where everything seems catastrophic and you're sure life will only get worse. You can also become overcontrolling, rejecting any suggestion that doesn't conform to your idea of the way things should be. To avoid being too rigid, each month try changing one habit. Exper-iment with clothes, drive a different way to work, initiate conversations about subjects you wouldn't normally discuss. And when the opportunity arises to do something new, avoid the impulse to immediately say no—this may be nerve-racking, but the more you practice, the less anxious you'll feel.

Looking ahead: You find meaning in pursuing safety and certainty. Focusing on family can give you great satisfaction. Also consider planting a vegetable garden, hosting class reunions, volunteering as a lifeguard, teaching at your church or temple. In the work arena, look for positions where you're responsible for others, and for making sure everyone is following the rules. You work well in any environment that is stable and consistent. Careers in government, finance, the military, law enforcement, and product manufacturing are strong options for you.

STRIVING TO BE IN CONTROL
You scored: 18
You are a leader: You approach everything as though you were born to be in charge. Confident, assertive, and decisive, you know what you want and you go after it. You also look out for family, friends, and community—you feel you know what's best for them—and have no fear of confronting anyone who challenges your ideas. Taking the driver's seat, you also generously donate time and energy to people and neighborhood projects.

What to watch out for: When you feel threatened, or others refuse to go along with your agenda, you can become confrontational and domineering, sometimes to the point of being dictatorial. Practice letting someone else take charge on occasion. Also try meditation; it can help you be-come more aware of your controlling impulses and ease the anxiety that may be provoking them.

Looking ahead: You discover your purpose when you take control of your environment. For you, finding a decision-making role is key. That could mean anything from producing a play to spearheading a global campaign for something you care about. In work, you're suited for leadership positions in education, government, industry, finance, religious institutions, or politics. But you can find satisfaction anytime you're given the autonomy to do things your own way.

Welcome 2010!

2009-12-31T22:49:00.000-08:00

Completing my Reflections and Intentions

2009-12-30T23:02:00.000-08:00

My coach created an advent calendar for reflection and intention. I really loved the idea and have been working on the reflections. Here are the rest of them.

Dec 7 -- What spiritual or personal development questions have been important to you this year? How do I achieve wholeness? How do I heal past wounds? How can I be a better leader and manager?

Dec 8 -- When, in the past year, have you felt yourself called upon to lead? At the Jan retreat, with the organizational diagnosis process, and creating Team Carly.

Dec 9 -- In what situations may you have failed to provide the necessary leadership? When I fail to speak up and don't express what I truly think and feel.

Dec 10 -- What have you learned this year? That I get better results by loving myself than be beating up or pressuring myself. Taking care of me has to be the center of my life. I don’t have to fix everything or solve the problems, I just need to make progress. It is OK to want what I want because I want it. I don’t have to believe my limiting beliefs. I am capable of much more. The thoughts that lead me astray come first before I am actually astray. I need to speak my truth. That it is OK not to know how to do things or to have the answers.

Dec 11 -- What has concerned you or weighed you down this year? My niece Carly's health issues. Bureaucracy with the state. Micromanaging funders. Being dependent upon soft money. My knee injury. Being in debt.

Dec 12 -- What do you know about your physical and mental health? They are both significantly better than last year at this time and they are still improving

Dec 13 -- What do you continue to struggle with? Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations. Being too busy. Putting myself at the top of the priority list.

Dec 14 -- Who are you when you are not working? A mom, a wife, a sister, a friend, a person learning to take care of herself.

Dec 15 -- What are your strengths, gifts and talents? (And how would your closest friend answer that question?) Being observant, empathy, understanding multiple points of view, bringing people together, synthesizing information, planning.

Dec 16 -- What do you know today that you didn't know 10 years ago? A lot more about parenting and being married. That I don't have to constantly prove myself. That much of life is out of my control and it is not worth trying to say, do or be the right thing since that doesn't really give me any control.

Dec 17 -- What would it mean to really enjoy your work? To feel like I am not spending so much energy swimming upstream fighting a culture and work environment that is not conducive to me. To feel like I am making a real difference on a daily basis. To feel competent that I know what needs to be done and how to do it and make time to celebrate the successes.

Dec 18 -- Who deserves a big thank you from you? My husband, my management mentor, my yoga trainer, my massage therapist, my chiropractor, my coach, my staff, and myself.

Dec 19 -- What makes you laugh? My kids!

Dec 20 -- Whom do you love and how do you show it? My husband, my kids, my family, my friends -- I tell them, I spend time with them, I connect with them.

Dec 21 -- On this first full day of winter, what do you need? Information about the results of my MRI and what it means in terms of my knee surgery.

Dec 22 -- What really productive belief might you choose as your mantra for 2010? I am capable of creating everything that I want.

Dec 23 -- What do you need to let go of in order to create the space to do your best work? Clutter, limiting beliefs, ideas of who I am "supposed" to or "should" be. Fear of judgment.

Dec 24 -- What requests do you need to make? To be able to ask for help. To be able to say no and not be pressured about it. To be able to set and stick to priorities aligned to my vision.

Dec 25 -- What are your core values? People, Connection, Integrity, Autonomy, Security

Dec 26 -- How are you living your values - at work? at home? in your community? At work I continue to work towards being able to hold my values and do my job. Sometimes it is challenging, but I still seek answers. At home, I feel too busy at times to really connect and be present, but I am working on that also. I do not feel connected as connected in my community as I would like to because I commute and am busy. I would like to be more connected.

Dec 27 -- What will you do in 2010 to contribute to the sustainability of our planet? I will continue to use cloth towels and napkins. I will make the switch to rechargeable batteries. I will focus on buying less stuff and living more simply.

Dec 28 -- What do you notice in your body when you slow down and become aware of your breath? Some days a sense of calm and peace and other days a sense of fear and angst. Today there is a peace and comfort since I leave on vacation tomorrow to go to the ocean.

Dec 29 -- What would make 2010 a really wonderful year? Feeling more connected to the people in my life, especially making more time for friends. Being willing to do what I want without waiting or worrying about what other people will think about it. Being willing to speak the truth about what I think and how I feel.

Dec 30 -- What do you want to be different at this time next year? I want my knee to be healed and to not feel limited physically. I want to have continued my healing journey into my body. I want to feel less busy and more present. I want to feel more connected to the people I love by talking to and seeing them more and spending quality time.

Dec 31 -- What are your intentions for 2010 - at work? at home? in your community? Regarding work, I intend to listen to myself and what I really want to do and to do the footwork necessary to make it happen whether it involves staying at my current job or looking for a new one. At home, I intend to declutter and to make my home and comfortable, peaceful, and beautiful place to be. In my community, I intend to participate more in community events and with the people I know in town.

Week 1 of Reflection and Intention

2009-12-06T08:41:00.000-08:00

My coach created an advent calendar for reflection and intention. I really loved the idea and have been working on the reflections.

Dec 1 -- What was at the forefront of your mind a year ago this month?
My niece Carly's health issues and having my work holiday party at my house.

Dec 2 -- What have you accomplished - or really enjoyed - this year related to your work?
A retreat, strategic messaging work, getting our minor approved, submitting our proposal to the CCTC. get an endowment pledge, travel to Chile

Dec 3 -- What have you accomplished - or really enjoyed - this year related to home, family and friends?
Scheduling regular time to hang out with friends and family.
Painting our bedroom, the family room, and the hallway.

Dec 4 -- What have you accomplished - or really enjoyed - as a volunteer in your community?
I have not really been doing this on an official basis. I have enjoyed mentoring a graduate student I work with.

Dec 5 -- Where have you found real meaning this year?
By doing yoga.

Dec 6 -- What spiritual or personal development questions have been important to you this year?
How to have more time to do what really matters to me? How to view and spend my time more consciously and wisely? How to live in accordance to my values?

More of my 40 Things

2009-12-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned here before, I am working on doing 40 things for turning 40 this year.

Here is the update of what I have done since I last posted.

19. Do a Detox -- The ultrasimple diet has a one week program of eating well and doing extreme self care. It was a great experience for me in August, and I just finished a second one this week.

20. Get a new pillow.

21. Do the skycoaster

22. Get a Mammogram

23. Make Something -- I made my son's octopus Halloween costume with some help from my Mom.

24. Get a Thai Massage (I didn't take a photo of myself during the massage, but found this photo at http://www.truetoyou.ca/wst_page4.html which gives you an idea of what it was like.). It was am amazing experience for me. I had never been more in touch with my body. You can read about it here.

Transitions

2009-08-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry to have been gone for so long. I am trying to figure out what I want to do with this space. Lately, I have been posting at my other blog -- Getting Out of My Head and Back Into My Body.

More of my 40 Things

2009-08-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned here before, I am working on doing 40 things for turning 40 this year.

Here is the update of what I have done since I last posted.

9. Get a kindle

10. Do yoga

11. Listen to music I like every day

12. Celebrate our anniversary. (We got married on my 34th birthday.)

13. Hire a leadership coach

14. Get my car detailed.

15. Celebrate with my aunt. (Her birthday is the day after mine.)

16. Spa Day with my sister

17. Mom's Night Out

18. Paint the bedroom

Monday Motivator

2009-07-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, 'This is the real me,' and when you have found that attitude, follow it.

--William James

Monday Motivator

2009-07-13T06:35:00.000-07:00

The potential of the average person is like a huge ocean unsailed, a new continent unexplored, a world of possibilities waiting to be released and channeled toward some great good.
--Brian Tracy

Turning 40

2009-07-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

I turn 40 in two hours.

I feel remarkably OK so far.
The main thing I realize is that 40 is not as old as I thought it was when I was young.
I don't feel old, but I do feel wiser.
In may ways I feel like I no longer have to prove myself -- I feel like I have arrived, which is nice.
I feel a sense of possibility.
I feel grateful for my life and the people in it.

My sister inspired me to do 40 things for turning 40. Thus far, I have done 8 things, but figure I have a year to finish the list. Here is the start.

Get a Physical
Birthday Massage
Invest in Skin Care
Spend More Time By The Water
Get a Tattoo
See Howard Jones
Stay at a Beach House
Take More Walks

I heard a song this morning by Wade Imre Morissette that said "Joy on the inside, peace on the outside". That is what I want for myself this year, and through my 40s.

Monday Motivator

2009-07-06T07:18:00.000-07:00

The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly.

-- Henry David Thoreau

Monday Motivator

2009-06-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

My greatest challenge has been to change the mindset of people. Mindsets play strange tricks on us. We see things the way our minds have instructed our eyes to see.
--Muhammad Yunus

Monday Motivator

2009-06-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I'll try again tomorrow'.
-- Mary Ann Radmacher

Monday Motivator

2009-06-15T06:37:00.000-07:00

Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else.
-- Wayne Dyer

Monday Motivator

2009-06-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

Accept everything about yourself -- I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end -- no apologies, no regrets.
-- Clark Moustakas

Monday Motivator

2009-06-01T06:36:00.000-07:00

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
-- Lao Tzu

Monday Motivator

2009-05-25T06:34:00.000-07:00

If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves.
--Thomas Alva Edison

Monday Motivator

2009-05-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on our own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.
--Denis Waitely

Monday Motivator

2009-05-11T06:29:00.000-07:00

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.
--Henry Van Dyke

Monday Motivator

2009-05-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.
--Rabindranath Tagore

Monday Motivator

2009-04-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

Start by doing what's necessary;
then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

--St. Francis of Assisi

Latest Gratitudes (255-288/365)

2009-04-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

I have been keeping lists, but hadn't posted them here in a while. Now it feels like time to catch up.

I am grateful for:

a good night's sleep
hanging out with a friend and getting to chat and catch up
trying out a new restaurant
putting in place a routine to get to see my friend regularly
for my extreme self care class inspiring me to start my daily gratitude again
canceled meetings that allowed me to get things done
my bosses agreeing to hire a company to do messaging work for us
being able to not take work so seriously and personally
listening to hay house radio podcasts
that my nephew offered to babysit today
that Carly is doing well and her surgery went well
getting to see my kids this morning
that my oldest son asked to make a tiger mask like he saw on TV
my local produce delivery came
that I finally remembered to turn off my sprinklers since it is raining
for knowing my neighbors
that my nephew came to babysit
for my chiropractor
that my husband brought dinner home last night
that I was able to make a connection of two people I know that might work together
that I went to bed early
that the tumor review board believe that Carly's tumor is gone
for the roses blooming in my yard
my in-laws and our weekly visits to their shop
being able to get in to see a doctor for my knee yesterday
my personal trainer being there for me to talk to about what the doctor said about my knee
my oldest son being more willing to try and eat different foods if he helps to prepare them
my youngest son's laugh and smiles when he plays with his Uncle
my oldest son's love for digging in the dirt trying to find worms
the vegetable and fruit smoothie my father-in-law made for me
talking to my friends on the phone
getting my friends gratitude list on email
Easter brunch at my parents house
seeing my brother
visiting Carly, Brad, and Christa
Carly being more alert and being able to nurse
Jamba Juice with my mom
my oldest son's excitement for easter egg hunting
my youngest son's love for my brother's girlfriend's dog
my trainer's support around my knee
that the pain in my knee is much less
realizing that resting and elevating my knee is a good time to read
my husband putting the laundry away
sunshine
that my friends foot is feeling better
that my friends friend is feeling more positive
saying no when someone asked me to chair committee even though I feel guilty
spending yesterday afternoon with Carly, my sister and Brad
Carly being on the road to recovery
Hay House radio podcasts
a clean house
my chiropractor
less pain in my knee
taking time to ice my knee
spending time with my boys
coffee shops with free wifi
watching The Biggest Loser on hulu
the birds that made a nest right outside my front door and the bird songs they sing
my knee getting a bit better each day
accepting that I have to slow down right now and not push myself too hard
Carly getting her feeding tube and arterial line out yesterday
the possibility that Carly may not need a shunt anymore and that she may get out of the PICU soon
my mom
my chiropractor
the doctor approving an x-ray for my knee
talking to a friend on the phone
making a salad
quiet time playing with my youngest son in the morning
interacting with my oldest son's new imaginary friend Mr. Crab
getting my friends gratitude list
that my knee is slowly getting better
that the x-ray showed fluid in the joint but no signs of degenerative problems
that Carly is doing well with her drain clamped and my no longer need her shunt
my youngest son's laughter when I help him brush his teeth
my oldest son singing along to Mamma Mia songs
reading my oldest son's Physics book to him last night before he went to bed
quiet time playing with my youngest son this morning
that my friend is back from visiting her parents in the Netherlands
working at a coffee shop this morning
a good meeting yesterday
a professor helping to get our course approved
that it is getting warmer and less windy
that the plants I started from seed are growing well
the weather warming up
that I get to see my college roommate for a couple hours today since she is coming up for business
Carly's external drain being removed and that they might get to go home this weekend
friends checking up on me
coffee with a graduate student yesterday
a productive development meeting
leftover curried carrot and leek soup
music
watching The Biggest Loser
advice I got on Facebook for my knee
the roses blooming in my backyard
a good night's sleep
the idea to create Team Carly for the 5k Bay Area Brain Tumor Walk on May 2.
the 3 sets of roses I cut from my back yard yesterday and brought into my house.
getting to have lunch and chat with my college roommate yesterday
my nephew babysitting for me
grocery shopping at Trader Joes
my chiropractor
helping my oldest son making his own lemonade from a lemon he got from the backyard
cuddling with my youngest son last night
warm sunshine
a new recipe to try for breakfast
a quiet morning up before everyone else
the weekend
my friend would have participated with Team Carly if she wasn't already doing a half marathon.
some people have signed up for the team -- including someone I did not expect to.
Carly and her parents are at home and slept in their own bed last night
my father-in-law is stabilized after being taken to the hospital in an ambulance yesterday
he did not have a heart attack, but his blood pressure and heart rate were really low, we are still not sure what happened
I was able to explain to my oldest son what was happening so he wasn't too scared
m huband was able to bring his parents food in the ER while they were waiting to get to their room
I can invent games to keep my kids busy in the ER waiting room
my kids had so much fun playing in the backyard during Sonia's birthday party
we were still able to go see them even though we were really late because of what happened with his Dad
the delicious cupcakes that Jeremy made.
my sons and I watched Toy Story 2 last night before they went to bed
my youngest son's huge smiles when he is able to successfully communicate right now
my oldest son enjoys singing along and dancing to his videos
my husband and I are going to see Grease the musical with my Mom this afternoon
the new recipe I made yesterday turned out good and I can eat it again for breakfast today
my knee is getting better incrementally
for the beautiful warm sunny weather
writing my gratitudes even though I am not in the best mood and I wish it were still the weekend
warm weather and sunshine
my sister enjoying being out of the hospital
the smile on my father-in-laws face when we brought the kids to visit him in the hospital
the fact that it looks like there is nothing really wrong with my father in law and that they think he was very dehydrated and that he should go home today
my Dad babysitting so that my husband, my Mom, and I could go see Grease the Musical
enjoying the music and my memories of Grease the movie enough that I could still enjoy the musical even though it wasn't so great
my sons loving to eat beans
my knee still getting better
my husband cleaning up the house last night
my nephew coming up to help watch the kids today since my in-laws are still at the hospital
people signing up and/or making donations for Team Carly
the laugh I got when my oldest son told me to take my youngest son away from him in his dream this morning
having a flexible job so that it will be OK that I don't have child care today and won't be able to work as much as usual on a Monday
the fact that doing my gratitudes is improving my mood!
the fact that doing gratitudes yesterday helping improve my mood and my day
my father-in-law being home from the hospital
people continuing to join and support Team Carly
my knee continuing to improve
cuddle time with my youngest son after he woke up from his nap and before he went to bed last night
my oldest son helping me make a pizza for dinner
my nephew babysitting for me
working at the Public Library and being able to stay focused
deciding to plan two days next week as writing days so I can get my proposal finished finally
my chiropractor
the support of a friend
music -- specifically Thomas Dolby
going to bed early much of the past week and the quiet morning time I have as a result
clean clothes
my husband helping clean the kitchen
my regular doctor being back so I can follow-up about my knee
a great instructor's meeting yesterday
playing outside with my boys yesterday after work
watching The Biggest Loser
talking to my sister on the phone
my friend and his wife planning to come visit during Memorial Day Weekend
one of my favorite former students becoming a friend on Facebook
mineral water
quiet morning time
my Mom dropping the kids off last night and picking them up this morning
support
just now remembering that I was supposed to host playgroup tomorrow and being able to send out an email reminder
some quiet alone time this morning
the exercises my trainer gave me to strengthen my knee and the green light to ride a stationary bike and/or swim
having supportive people in my life -- including you!
some meetings being canceled today so I have more time to do other things
the beautiful peacock I saw on my way home from work yesterday
cuddling with my oldest son yesterday morning
the fun my boys have running around and playing outside in the evening
my youngest son's healthy eating
Trader Joe's pizza dough
meeting with my friend yesterday, and realizing that I have come a long way in my managing and program directing
attending the Science@Cal mixer
working on the taxes and figuring out that we probably only owe $1000 instead of $8000
being able to find instructions and tax forms online
more people joining Team Carly
getting to meet with the research and evaluation team today after about a month of conflicts
Friday
saying no to signing up for New Era Training after attending a guest event last night
getting some clarity from the guest event of what I want more of in my life -- particularly time with friends
hosting playgroup at my house and especially that my friend is coming with her new baby girl
being calm that I still have to figure out something to make for lunch and snacks for the group
seeing my kids and spending the day with them since I didn't see them yesterday
getting some work done yesterday
my nephew babysitting this afternoon so I can go check out the gym since stationary bike riding has been recommended for my knee
a good Symposium last night with a great turnout
the weekend
no plans this weekend
buying some more seeds to grow plants for my garden
buying our nephew GRE test prep materials for his birthday
my nephew babysitting so my husband and I could have a date
hosting play group yesterday and seeing two new babies
talking to other moms
the fun my sons have playing with their friends
sunshine and playing outside
my friend's blog so I could find an easy recipe to make for lunch
hanging up on a conference call meeting that was making me crazy
Team Carly moving up to 13th place out of 201 teams
a sense of contentment
getting my friends gratitude list
the new raised garden bed my husband and his brother built for me
having somewhere to plant the plants I started from seed in my greenhouse
a mellow weekend at home to catch up on things
finally updating the kids blog with photos
that Team Carly has made it to halfway of our fund raising goal and has 19 members
a nice time with my husband's aunt and uncle and 5 of their grand nephews at Pizza Pirate
getting reconnected with my childhood friend on Facebook
my sons singing and dancing along to the Go Go Animals and They Might Be Giants videos
the Mom's Club Spa Night tonight and a chance to go hang out with the ladies
how much fun my sons have running around outside together
strawberries
Post Secret

Nicci

Monday Motivator

2009-04-20T06:24:00.000-07:00

Take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves.
--Lord Chesterfield

Monday Motivator

2009-04-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

The person who gets the farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore.

--Dale Carnegie

Prayer for Carly

2009-04-03T05:32:00.000-07:00

Today is my niece Carly's big surgery to remove the rest of her brain tumor. Please send love and prayers for her, her family, and the medical staff today. The surgery starts at 7:30 and is expected to take about 15 hours.

Thanks so much.

Monday Motivator

2009-03-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks
outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.

-- Carl Jung

100 Gratitudes (221- 254/365)

2009-03-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for:

1. The desire to get back to my blog today

2. Getting past the guilt of having been AWOL

3. The idea that came to me to post 100 gratitudes today.

4. The blog community

5. The mandala painting that a wonderful blog friend made for me

6. Singing my son up for preschool this morning

7. Getting to spend time with my college roommate this weekend.

8. A trip to Napa overnight just the 2 of us

9. Seeing a romantic comedy

10. My husband watching the kids so we could go

11. Her new job and how happy she is to have it

12. That the job means I will see her more regularly

13. Getting to cook her dinner and breakfast and drop her off this morning at BART

14. Good chats

15. People I have know for longer than I haven't known them

16. The community of folks who were there too, and the feeling of connection to the community

17. Sunshine, even though it is cold outside

18. My chiropractor

19. My massage therapist

20. My personal trainer

21. Yoga

22. The focus on my body and well being that I have made this year

23. Feeling better and happier being me

24. Making a bean, cheese, and avocado burrito for lunch

25. My Farm Fresh To You produce deliveries

26. Being able to google ingredients to find something new to make

27. A beet, endive, walnut and feta cheese salad

28. Having a job

29. My husband having a job

30. Being able to help my friends develop their new business ideas since both the husband and wife recently got laid off

31. My friends

32. My family

33. Carly and her and her parents strength as they continue with her healing journey

34. All of the doctors, nurses, medical staff, and researchers who support her care

35. Having the flexibility to be able to be there for them when they need it

36. My oldest son’s love for his 9 year old cousin

37. My children

38. My children’s health and recent recovery from the week of flu, fevers, and ear infections

39. Not having to wake up in the night with sick kids anymore

40. Our great and very helpful new pediatrician since our previous one retired

41. My husband

42. Our ability to work together as a team

43. Flowers

44. Gardening

45. Spring

46. Allergy medicine

47. Learning about estrogen dominance

48. Progesterone cream

49. Having a great team of employees

50. Recently hiring another great person to join the team

51. A very successful site visit from a funder

52. Being able to remain calm before and during the visit

53. The times I can accept what is, and let go of things outside of my control.

54. My siblings

55. My parents

56. My in-laws

57. My neighbor’s birthday party and feeling connected to the community

58. Jodi Piccoult

59. Reading Handle with Care

60. A 5^th chakra (throat) yoga class

61. Releasing tears

62. Reconnecting with other moms

63. The fund my sons have playing with other kids

64. Telecommuting 2 days a week for work

65. My youngest son’s love of monkeys

66. My youngest son’s ability to show me the joy of making noise and expressing yourself

67. Planting seeds for the garden with my oldest son.

68. His joy at watching them grow

69. My oldest son’s love of water and mud

70. My youngest son’s ability to remind me that life doesn’t have to be so serious

71. Both of my son’s laughs and smiles

72. Both of my son’s interest in music and dancing

73. Nature

74. My car mechanic telling me there was nothing wrong with my car and not charging me to look at it

75. Playing Rock Band as a Family

76. Finding out about ergonomics for using my laptop and looking forward to getting a stand and external key board

77. Having dinner with a friend and trying to do something spontaneous, even though in the end it did not work out

78. Making progress on my fund raising for my stair climb for the lung association

79. My extreme self care class

80. This month’s focus on “Let Me Disappoint You”, which has allowed me to value my time and energy more

81. Taking time to remove negative energy from my life instead of just trying to ignore it

82. Focusing on my self care and wellness

83. Finishing my taxes

84. Reconnecting with people through Facebook

85. Music

86. Not getting picked to sit on the jury at jury duty last week

87. My Fitness Coach for Wii

88. Cutting myself some slack

89. Being gentle with myself

90. Commuting to and from work safely in rainy weather

91. The iris’s blooming in my front yard

92. Not watching the news

93. Learning new things

94. Being willing to prune my trees when I am not 100% sure what I am doing

95. Taking my kids to the Tree City USA designation celebration

96. Living in a town with lots of community events

97. The Create Joy postcard I received in the mail

98. The thank you package from the classroom for my DonorsChoose.org donation

99. My life

100.Being able to come up with 100 things for this list

Monday Motivator

2009-03-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Kindness is the golden key that unlocks the hearts of others.
-- Henry Drummond

Monday Motivator

2009-03-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it's too late. The time for happiness is today not tomorrow.

--Paul H. Dunn

Monday Motivator

2009-03-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

We don't accomplish anything in this world alone ... and whatever happens is the result of the whole tapestry of one's life and all the weavings of individual threads from one to another that creates something.
--Sandra Day O'Connor

Monday Motivator

2009-03-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-- Leo Buscaglia

Monday Motivator

2009-02-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

Do not stop thinking of life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively, unless you can choose a challenge instead of a competence.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Gratitude (218-220/365)

2009-02-19T22:00:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

insight that comes once you finally stop trying so hard to figure something up
possibly figuring out a solution to one of our big issues with our funders
a wonderful Symposium at work
good food for the event, and the tray of vegetables I got to take home with me
Louise Hay's 101 Power Thoughts CD
the song Gentle With Myself by Karen Drucker
sunshine
my 3 minute workout
the clarity that comes from taking a break
getting the IRB resubmitted
my husband picking up the kids since I was running late
that putting the pjs on backwards has solved our problem with our youngest son wetting the bed nightly
convincing my bosses that we could afford to get professional help with strategic messaging
a great staff

Yesterday I was grateful for:

meeting with a my trainer
getting some insights about the next part of my body journey
that my trainer emailed me a part from a book she saw later that night that so fit what we were talking about
having lost some weight
learning about and doing a 3 minute workout
free time
a coffee break in the sunshine
my power coming back on
my blackberry so I could communicate without having power
a good talk with my husband
the support of a a friend
getting past my anger
my oldest son's love of science books
cuddle time with my youngest son in the morning

Tuesday I was grateful for:

seeing my parents
my husband dropping the kids off so I could get to work early
a great call with some strategic marketing people
a productive leadership meeting
talking to my friend on the phone
interviewing a good candidate
not getting a parking ticket for being over time by 8 minutes

100 Things Meme

2009-02-16T21:53:00.000-08:00

I saw this at Small Reflections and Big Dreams and Pixie Dust, and decided to play along.

(Just copy and paste this to your blog and bold the ones that you HAVE done.)

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a Bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

100. Ridden an Elephant

Gratitude (210-217/365)

2009-02-16T21:40:00.000-08:00

This weekend I was grateful for:

an extra day off of work
making a point not to work over the weekend
spending time with my husband and kids
the fun my kids had playing with their nine year old cousin
taking them all bowling
the clever activities that 3 boys can think up including video games, sword fighting, balloon volleyball, and riding a toddler bed mattress down the stairs.
the enthusiasm and adventure of my boys
noticing how much kids can learn as my youngest can almost use the website totlol completely by himself now. The only thing he doesn't have down is the difference between the right and left mouse button.
a family breakfast at IHOP
date night with my husband for dinner and a movie
my parents babysitting so we could go out while their power was out
the fun my sons had doing everything by flashlight and candlelight while they were there
time to cook food and the leftovers I can eat for lunch and dinner during the week
rain adding to our water needs
my husband picking me up a decaf soy latte while he was out
my yoga class
a clean house
clean clothes
grocery shopping
time to read Blink and Outliers by Malcom Gladwell
that my friend is getting better from her really bad sickness

Last week I was grateful for:

focusing on one thing at a time
finishing the book proposal review I needed to finish
a chemistry professor agreeing to do our first symposium at work
my oldest son getting the last of his 10 fillings and making it through with no tears
how he impressed the dentist with his new periodic table book
how much he loves his periodic table book
facilitating a productive meeting
having a meeting canceled and the free time it gave me to adjust my schedule
seeing a friend and colleague and hearing about her new job
finding out that a friend was able to quit her job and get away from her bully boss
talking to friends on the phone
the grand opening of our new resource center at work
hearing back from the Neimand Collaborative about the possibility of doing strategic messaging for work
having great colleagues

Monday Motivator

2009-02-16T00:38:00.000-08:00

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
-- T. S. Eliot

Monday Motivator

2009-02-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are.

--Rachel Naomi Remen

Gratitude (208-209/365)

2009-02-08T21:06:00.001-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

a mellow Sunday
watching Ratatouille as a family
a massage, and chatting with my massage therapist
going to yoga class again after missing a few weeks
a brief nap
my oldest son's love for the periodic table book
being able to promote Harvey Mudd College today
talking to friends on the phone
making some headway on the laundry
enjoying my new hair cut

Yesterday I was grateful for:

a weekend with no work
playing with my kids
my oldest son's love for The Gratitude Dance
my love for watching him do the dance
my youngest son's love for talking, especially his fondness for naming animals
taking a bath
reading Eat, Pray, Love for the second time
my kids' love for puddles
my mother in law
the great new haircut she gave me
learning from my mistake of not listening to myself for the past couple of weeks
watching Mr & Mrs. Smith
playing Elefunk
my kids' love for grapefruits

Gratitude (201-207/365)

2009-02-06T21:31:00.000-08:00

In the last week, I have been grateful for:

rain
my husband
my kids
itsy bitsy yoga class
little boys love of jumping in puddles, climbing trees, and getting muddy
communication
telling the truth and how it helps fix difficult relationships
having a promising candidate at the job interviews
Friday!
the end of a two week period of overworking
trusting my kids to behave with good results
talking to a friend on the phone who I haven't talked to in a while
Happy Hour for the first time in forever
connections made from the retreat
a night out with some mom's
yummy thai food
being open and willing to share my thoughts
clarity about what I needed to do about an issue at work
meeting a visiting professor
smart, fun colleagues
a visit from a former colleague
meeting with my yoga trainer
a yoga session
the reminders to take some me time
lunch with my management mentor
a good retreat debrief meeting
a great field placement orientation
the way my team has come together at work
the growth of the college-going-role-model component
the end of the conference
nice weather
allowing myself a break from the sessions
good chats with a coworker
seeing my kids after being gone for a few days
hearing Daniel Nartey speak
hearing Guy Kawasaki speak
learning a lot at the conference
two nights away at a hotel
seeing the documentary Zoned In
conversations about the conference with a coworker
a nice walk outside
beautiful weather

Monday Motivator

2009-02-02T07:14:00.000-08:00

Find the seed at the bottom of your heart and bring forth a flower.
-- Shigenori Kameoka

Gratitude (191-200/365)

2009-01-30T20:47:00.000-08:00

going to bed early
warm sunshine, although I would like to not have a drought
itsy bitsy yoga class
spending an afternoon with my sister and Carly
seeing Carly smile and play
my friend and her daughter coming over
grocery shopping
cooking
my farm fresh to you produce delivery
being inspired to make bean soup
the beautiful location of the retreat
driving through beautiful farmland
the success of the retreat
the great retreat planning committee I worked with
the strong sense of community at the retreat
an awesome facilitator
that my speech went well at the retreat
the movie From Ambition to Meaning
that my youngest son was OK after his trip to the ER
healthy eating choices
yoga
new hip stretches
feeling taller
taking a day off this week
cheese

What Color Do You Need?

2009-01-28T21:20:00.001-08:00

I saw this over at Sacred Ruminations and wanted to play along. It is very interesting since I have been thinking about painting my bedroom green.

You Need Some Green in Your Life

Green will make you feel alive, renewed, and balanced.

And with a little green, you will project an aura of peacefulness and harmony.

If you want stability, you've got to get a little green in your life!

For extra punch: Combine green with blue or purple

The downside of green: It can promote jealousy in yourself or others

The consequences of more green in your life:

You will be drawn to a new life path

You will feel free to pursue new ideas and interests, no matter how strange

You will be released from the demands and concerns of others

What Color Do You Need?

Monday Motivator

2009-01-26T07:12:00.000-08:00

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.
--Rainer Maria Rilke

Gratitude (181-190/365)

2009-01-21T10:08:00.000-08:00

Hi again. Sorry to have been AWOL for a while. It feels nice to be back.

In the last week and a half I am grateful for:

a friend's gratitude emails and her checking up on me
a good night's sleep
getting up early before everyone else in my family and enjoying some quiet time
going outside this morning to do my exercise
meeting with my yoga trainer
the big improvement in both my posture and the range of motion in my hip in the 6 months that I have been working with her
medical technology and professionals
Carly's surgeries going well
all the little things that made the last hospital stay by far the easiest one for my sister and her husband
living so close that I can visit Carly and my sister often when they are in the hospital
that my oldest son is feeling better
the start of a new session of Itsy Bitsy Yoga
that my youngest son can go to yoga now too since he is old enough
the shear joy on my youngest son's face and how much he enjoyed the class
a supportive husband
Sunday morning yoga class
a wonderful massage therapist who is also becoming a friend
all of the people that came to Carly's 1st birthday party
the birth of Carly and that she is in my life
being able to make a vision board of Carly for my sister
exercising very consistently for the last two and half weeks
eating better in general, and being more gentle with myself for the times that I didn't
getting to see a friend I hadn't seen in a while
that this friend moved back to the Bay Area so I will see her more
seeing the movie Last Chance Harvey
having a great retreat planning team
opportunities to grow and stretch myself at work
getting connected to more friends on facebook
the people who leave blog comments on my blog
meeting a great person from Chabot and the possibility of a cool collaboration
planning some play dates for my sons and getting time to hang out with other moms
taking a hike
Barack Obama being inaugurated as president
taking the time to watch the swearing in and his speech yesterday
my sensitive nature
a hike with my husband on MLK day
being inspired by Obama's focus on community service to pick up trash along the trail as I hiked
the way my kids enjoy playing with me
the smiles on their faces
my children's laughter and how it always makes me feel better
the knowledge that when I am overwhelmed I am very easily distracted
a phone call from a friend I hadn't talked to in many months
my friend's plan for a reunion for the summer program we met at 20 years ago
that she is still one of my best friends 20 years later after we met at a 10 week summer

Monday Motivator

2009-01-19T07:07:00.000-08:00

There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else. --Peyton Conway March

Monday Motivator

2009-01-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

"Be not afraid of changing slowly; be afraid only of standing still."
~Chinese Proverb~

Gratitude (180/365)

2009-01-11T10:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was grateful for:

dinner at a friend's house
yummy food
meting her family
taking a walk in her neighborhood
the moon
the view from her hill
how my oldest son opened up to her
spending time with my in-laws at the shop
a new scarf my husband's cousin knitted and gave me
my father in law for getting my youngest son to take his nap
that my husband lost weight and inches in his wight loss challenge even though he didn't win
playing at the park with my kids in the morning
having a park close to our house
nature and the way my kids enjoy it
a good conversation on the phone with my friend
leftover potato leek soup

Gratitude (178-179/365)

2009-01-09T22:34:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

Bowling with my former student
the fun and excitement my sons had their first time bowling
the cute little bowling shoes they had in their size
visiting my in-laws at their shop
watching the movie The Love Letter
taking a walk in my neighborhood this morning
letting myself have a mellow day of work
the cuteness of my sons dancing to the Wiggles videos

Yesterday I was grateful for:

a fun play date with some friends
eating dinner with them
that our kids played well together and we actually got a chance to talk to each other
working with a great team of people
feeling like the semester is off to a good start
doing yoga in the morning
taking time to work on my trigger points before I went to bed
having fun playing more Little Big Planet with my husband

Gratitude (177/365)

2009-01-07T21:50:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

allowing myself to sleep in a little this morning since we were up a lot last night since both kids had trouble sleeping
pulling things together in the morning with less time than usual
meeting with my yoga trainer
feeling like I am making progress
going out to exercise after my meeting with her since I didn't have time to do it before
putting self care above work today by making that choice
lunch with my management mentor
good conversation and insights
good food
a focused afternoon of work
the first web class of The Art of Self Care year long class I am taking
setting up some play dates with other moms
talking to a friend on the phone
playing Little Big Planet for a little bit with my husband tonight
the supportive comments on my blog from my friend
that my oldest son is sleeping well tonight so far
cuddle time with my youngest son
my youngest son's love for the split pea soup my Dad made

Gratitude (176/365)

2009-01-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

getting to talk to my mom this morning when I dropped off the kids
getting to talk to my dad this evening when I picked up the kids
that my mom's wrist is healing well
my commute and enjoying the alone time to listen to music
having leftovers to eat in the fridge
corn on the cob
seeing my work colleagues
having a really good idea to develop a new course in the program
remaining calm when dealing with all of the things I need to do
our new tv
playing video games as a family
the fun my kids are having playing with the box the tv came in
my youngest son's love of vegetables
lunch with a friend

Gratitude (175/365)

2009-01-05T21:54:00.001-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

deciding to take today off before going back to work
having some time to put things back in order after the holidays
doing my hill interval training this morning
a clean house
clean laundry
clean sheets
my immersion blender
potato leek soup
beet orange salad
our public library
that my oldest son successfully made it through 4 more fillings this morning
that he recovered more quickly this time than the last time
my youngest son's affectionate nature
my oldest son wanting to cuddle today
warm blankets
Carly having a good check up with her doctor

Monday Motivator

2009-01-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

Three keys to more abundant living: caring about others, daring for others, sharing with others.

--William A. Ward

Gratitude (170-174/365)

2009-01-04T22:37:00.000-08:00

For the past few days I am grateful for:

deciding to take one more day off of work (tomorrow) before going back
returning to my Sunday morning yoga class after 3 weeks of not going and reconnecting to my body
a wonderful massage
the scented lotions my friend gave me
taking the time to blog and do my gratitude list tonight instead of cleaning up my house
the fun my sons have with their cousin
a wonderful nap this afternoon
time to cook using the local produce I have delivered every other week
trying new recipes
mandarin oranges
hot tea
warm blankets
warm socks
enjoying playing a video game with my husband -- Little Big Planet
having had a great 12 days off from work with lots of fun family time
my mom watching the kids so my husband and I could have date night on Jan 1
seeing the movie Slumdog Millionaire
a spontaneous get together with friends
the yummy meal and good conversation they shared with us
getting to see their new house and their daughter
the fun my sons had at the birthday parties this week
getting the Christmas decorations put away
getting the house back in order after the chaos of the holidays
the flashlight I got from my husband's aunt
talking with friends
having a gratitude practice and focusing on the positives
a friend's invitation for dinner
hot chocolate
listening to meditations each night before I go to sleep
the inspiration from the new year blog posts I have been reading

2009 Theme Song

2009-01-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

I'M FREE
(M. Jagger/K. Richards)

I'm free to do what I want any old time
I'm free to do what I want any old time
So love me, hold me, love me, hold me
I'm free any old time to get what I want

I'm free to sing my song though it gets out of time
I'm free to sing my song though it gets out of time
So love me, hold me, love me, hold me
And I'm free any old time to get what I want

Love me, hold me, love me, hold me
But I'm free any old time to get what I want

I'm free to choose what I please any old time
I'm free to choose what I please any old time
So hold me, love me, love me, hold me
I'm free any old time to get what I want, yes I am

This is the version I have been listening to.

Gratitude (165-169/365)

2009-01-01T09:16:00.000-08:00

For the last week, I have been grateful for:

Carly getting to go home from the hospital and is doing well
my sister and her husband getting to go to some live music this week
my husband and I have both being off work
spending time as a family
the Walking with the Dinosaurs show
visiting with friends and family
my oldest son's love for Wall-E
my youngest son's increasing vocabulary
Pier 39 and Aquarium of the Bay
a birthday party at BounceU
my parents and in-laws watching the kids for some kid free time
music
reading the book Waking that my yoga trainer recommended
my oldest son talking to people on the phone
my oldest son saying he was eating "freckles" when he was eating sprinkles
Totlol -- a moderated Video Site for kids which keeps Lucas away from inappropriate things on YouTube
my youngest son telling his first knock knock joke last night in the car
the blogs I read for their inspiration
my blog friends who leave supportive comments for me
getting some alone time
signing up for Cheryl Richardson's Self Care course

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

I gave up New Year's resolutions many years ago in favor of New Year's reminders. The reminders were words and ideas that would inspire me through the new year. This year, I have followed in the footsteps of many of my blogging friends and chosen a word to focus on this year.

My word is FREEDOM.

I embrace the world of total possibility that is out there for me. I see beyond my limiting beliefs and thoughts. I stop worrying about what I am "supposed to do" and "what people will think". I am bold and courageous and step out into the unknown terrain and enjoy the adventure, the exploration, the freedom to choose those things that make my heart sing.

I am free to be a new me.

Monday Motivator

2008-12-29T08:21:00.000-08:00

Willingness by Danna Faulds

In the willingness to feel there is healing. In the choice not to closet, cast aside or deny
experience, energy is freed, and I dive deeper into life.

There may be maturity in choosing not to act, but there are no rewards for suppression and denial.

To be fully alive is saying yes to the wide array of human feelings. When I soften, release
and breathe, I discover I am more than what I think, feel, reason, or believe.

Gratitude (162-164/365)

2008-12-27T08:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was grateful for:

The beautiful clear blue skies during my drive to SF
Tom's peasant pies and the nice man working there in the morning
spending much of the day with Christa, Brad, and Carly
being able to watch Carly so Christa and Brad could go home and shower and get a break
my sons having so much fun with their cousins -- especially the 9 year old who is both of their favorites
my oldest son telling me that next year he wants Santa to give him money
music, especially uplifting and positive songs

Christmas Day I was grateful for:

free parking at the hospital on Christmas morning when we left at 2am
Christmas morning with my husband and kids
the muffin base my Mom had given me a while ago which allowed me to make some orange muffins for breakfast
my oldest son's suspicion about whether or not Santa really came --- "There are no footprints."
staying in our pjs all day
having spaghetti dinner with my grandma and parents
updates about Carly

Christmas Eve I was grateful for:

finishing my Christmas Cards
being able to donate money to charity
being together as a family all day as neither my husband or I had to work
my oldest son dancing on the couch to his favorite videos
Carly's shunt procedure going well
Carly's pediatrician being an angel to my sister Brad while they were at the hospital all day Christmas Eve
all of the medical professionals working on Christmas Eve who were there for Carly and everyone else who needed treatment that day
spending Christmas Eve with my in-laws
kids enthusiasm for playing with each other and opening their presents
my youngest son trying to take his little cousin's gifts and his cousin deciding to play with my youngest son's gifts instead
going with my Mom to see Christa, Brad and Carly late Christmas Eve into Christmas morning
seeing the huge smile on my sister's face when Carly moved her left arm which hadn't been moving much before the shunt was put in

Gratitude (160-161/365)

2008-12-24T10:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was grateful for:

finishing and submitting my proposal
good feedback from a dean regarding the proposal
helping interview for a old job
that they gave me lunch for helping with the interview
my husband taking the kids so I could go in early to work on my proposal
my parents watching the kids
Brewed Awakening and the quite and warm atmosphere if gave me to write
hot tea
the useful help and support from a coworker
my mom giving me dinner
getting the additional Christmas cards I ordered in the mail
that the last Christmas present I needed came in the mail

Monday I was grateful for:

Panera bread company and the warm quiet environment to work
my in-laws watching the kids
making good progress on my proposal
watching Mamma Mia with the kids
the dimple my youngest son gets below his mouth when he smiles really huge
the way my oldest son put a mitten sticker on his snowman and said it was his snowman's heart

Gratitude (152-159/365)

2008-12-22T13:42:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been feeling rather overwhelmed and tired. It is making me realize that my life is barely in balance under normal circumstances, and that in times of stress it tends to get out of balance. Right now, I am grateful for that knowledge and the power of taking time to be grateful as a way to give myself and attitude adjustment

Over this past week I have been grateful for:

your email and that you are my gratitude buddy
cutting myself a little slack during this time of year
my niece's fluid bump going down
my extended family
our early Christmas celebration on Sunday to accommodate scheduling issues
good health
my friends
the doctor's ability to set my mom's broken wrist so that she might not need surgery
my mom accepting help to get things ready for the celebration
being able to help my mom
all of the people who have made a difference in my life this past year, and having a chance to let them know how much I appreciate it
sending and receiving Christmas cards
online shopping
the smiles on kid's faces when they are so happy
deciding to focus our Christmas on the kids this year and not buying presents for the adults
a fantastic deep tissue massage
an understanding and inspiring trainer
taking photos of food to make a family cookbook
planning a retreat for work that is coming together well
standing up for myself when I needed to
my oldest son being a trooper for his dental work
the Jamba Juice that made him feel better about his mouth being numb
my oldest son's ability to talk about his emotions
my oldest son's new love for knock knock jokes
my yongest son's cuddlebugness
my youngest son's increasing vocabulary and ability to communicate
my youngest son's love for monkeys
warm tea and hot chocolate on cold nights
driving around to look at Christmas lights
having a flexible work schedule
my husband's technical knowledge and home tech support
my husband's photography skills and documentation of our lives
my husband's love and support
getting a check in the mail for some work that I had forgotten about
listening to Christmas music
my upcoming time off of work
being close to the end of a big project
my Dad's excitement about going back to work in Jan
helping my mother-in-law face her fear of going to the doctor

Monday Motivator

2008-12-22T07:30:00.000-08:00

Once you begin to acknowledge random acts of kindness - both the ones you have received and the ones you have given - you can no longer believe that what you do does not matter
--Dawna Markova

Monday Motivator

2008-12-15T02:45:00.000-08:00

Do not wait for extraordinary circumstances to do good action;
try to use ordinary situations.
--Jean Paul Richter

Gratitude (147-151/365)

2008-12-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

the people who visit and the people who leave comments on my blog
my oldest son's willingness to have his teeth flossed
the bubble fun my sons had in their bath tonight
crisp, clear skies
my in-laws shop, and their customers
seeing my son's cousin, he is great young man
putting up the Christmas tree, and the meaningfulness of the ornaments
starting on my Christmas cards
talking to my friend on the phone
a blog friend offering a very special gift
my teleclass buddy calling to reconnect with me
watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with my kids

Yesterday I was grateful for:

my oldest son handling the dentist again very well
my husband staying home a little late to be with my youngest son so I could take my oldest son to the dentist
a friend coming over with her daughter
her knowledge and support about kids dentistry
getting the word out about our work retreat
getting some Christmas shopping done
playing ring around the rosie with the kids right before they went to bed
my Christmas Music play list
a very nice thank you note from a friend

Thursday I was grateful for:

using my insomnia for good -- got up and did yoga, meditated and wrote on my other blog
getting into work early and finishing a project I have been needing to do for a while
working with great people and feeling like we are making progress
taking decent care of myself during a long day of work (7am-8pm)
making good food choices
my husband picking up the kids since I had a late meeting at work
sushi

Wednesday I was grateful for:

music
meeting with a colleague for lunch
a good meeting about our new class for next semester
getting home from work early and spending time with my sons
the books that my grandma sent to my sons

Tuesday I was grateful for:

a good staff meeting
a very nice holiday party for my work
yummy Mexican food
enjoying hanging out with my co-workers
seeing my parents
being able to get over my embarrassment of wearing broken glasses since I had to wear them to see and had no other options

Gratitude (146/365)

2008-12-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

the thank you emails I received today for the dinner party
meeting with my yoga trainer
having supportive friends and family
leftover lasagna
the budding independence of my youngest son
the way my kids enjoy climbing on and crawling under me
a friends support as I deal with some emotional baggage around my hip and body
my in-laws doing science experiments for my oldest son and his enthusiasm for them
the belief that in every moment I have a choice and change can happen
asking my husband to fold and put the laundry away
the movie Love Jones
the kindness of people, especially the receptionist at the pediatric dentist I had to call today

Me, Me, Me ... Meme

2008-12-08T16:08:00.000-08:00

I saw this over at Happily Retired Gal, and thought I would play along.

Five names you go by: yertle, Nicci, Nicole, Mom, girlfriend
Three things you are wearing right now:Harvey Mudd College sweatshirt, cargo pants, shoes (it's cold!)
Two things you want very badly at the moment: a vacation, to get over this cold
Three people who will probably fill this out or maybe will or maybe won’t: squish, teridill, sierra
Two things you did last night:had a dinner party, cleaned up afterwards
Two things you ate today: leftover lasagna and garlic bread
Two people you last talked to on the phone: my husband and a pediatric dentist
Two things you are going to do tomorrow: work, attend a holiday party
Two longest car rides: I drove 3000 miles around the west coast during the summer of 1994 while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life -- the stretch from El Paso to Houston was pretty memorably long, also some Thanksgivings up Interstate 5 from LA to the SF Bay Area.
Two of your favorite beverages: decaf soy latte, water

Monday Motivator

2008-12-08T02:44:00.000-08:00

If you make the fundamental choice to be true to yourself, then you will act in ways that are true to yourself, whether you feel inspired or depressed, whether you feel fulfilled or frustrated, whether you are at home, at work, with your friends or with your enemies.
--Robert Fritz

Gratitude (140-145/365)

2008-12-07T21:31:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

all of my co-workers traveling to my house for party tonight
getting to meet all of their partners and some of their kids
my vegetarian lasagna turning out
relatively calm party preparations
my in-laws for watching the kids so we could prepare
the cleanliness of my house, and how the party inspired me to fix a lot of things
the fact that I can sit at my desk and it is no longer piled high with stuff!
talking to my friend on the phone
yoga class
a sinus rinse, and feeling better from my cold

Saturday I was grateful for:

cleaning my office
cleaning out the sand that was getting all over the house
working together with my husband to get things clean and organized and ending up with our house more organized than it probably has been since my oldest son was born
preparing my vegetable lasagna at night so I wouldn't have to do it today
running into a neighbor a the pizza place and having a nice chat
seeing my in-laws and brother-in-law
Jamba Juice
my husband finding his credit card

Friday I was grateful for:

Telling stories with my oldest son
taking the kids for a photo with Santa
deciding to stay home when I wasn't feeling well
watching Frosty the Snowman with the kids
being able to get my work done
making udon for dinner

Thursday I was grateful for

my husband building me a new computer when my computer died
not losing all of my data
talking to my sister on the phone
finalizing plans for the Cal Teach retreat
good meetings with win-win solutions

Wednesday I was grateful for:

lunch with my management mentor
a good laugh
attending a good seminar about promoting science amongst English language learners
being plans for the retreat
my kids' excitement for getting the chocolates from their advent calendar
being able to find the survey that was lost during the data migration from the development site to the real site of the online system.

Tuesday I was grateful for:

being able to help someone by doing mock orals with her
learning more about measurement and evaluation research
having coffee and a nice chat with a colleague
facilitating a fun and inspiring Cal PASS meeting
my husband picking up the kids for me

Gratitude (139/365)

2008-12-01T20:43:00.001-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

clean clothes
public libraries
my oldest son talking on the phone to my father in law
my youngest son asking me to tickle him
getting work done on my proposal
feeling rejuvenated after the weekend
an hour to myself this evening
a paycheck and being able to pay my bills
enjoying interval training
taking my change in and getting Christmas shopping money
listening to an interesting radio program on creativity and health
posting on the Mandala Oasis Yahoo group after a long hiatus
hearing that Carly had a good acupuncture visit today.
talking to my friend on the phone

Monday Motivator

2008-12-01T02:39:00.000-08:00

Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.

--Wilma Rudolph

Gratitude (138/365)

2008-11-30T20:51:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

four day weekends
extra time with my family
yoga class followed by a massage
some extra free time since my husband took the boys out to play
cooking -- made a new mushroom, fennel, barley soup
playing "good guys" and "bad guys" with my oldest son
my youngest son's cheesy smile and spiky hair
health insurance
getting an idea from a friend about what to serve for my dinner party next Sunday
my blog friends here and on gaia.com

Gratitude (137/365)

2008-11-29T21:56:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

my gratitude buddy for going on this journey with me
my brother's birthday, and the fact that I have a "little" brother
spending time at my in-laws shop
cleaning out the closet
giving things away on freecycle
family movie time
reading to my oldest son before he went to bed
my youngest sonn's excitement about getting his own water from the fridge
getting a nap
a four day weekend
my new yoga routine
talking to my friend on the phone

Gratitude (136/365)

2008-11-28T21:59:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

Thanksgiving leftovers
venturing out to buy a new pair of jeans at a buy one get one free sale
seeing my parents
having a family photo shoot
ordering the Christmas Cards
the two totally different play styles of my sons
building sand volcanoes with my son
my husband building my Dad a faster computer with parts we had in our house
walking around downtown tonight with the family this evening
my friends blog post and her telling me about mint.com
the vibrant green color of the grass I saw on the "adventure hike" with my oldest son
the big nap my youngest son took, and how happy he was when he woke up

Gimme a "V"

2008-11-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

I saw this meme over at Sunshine and Lemonade. She made a list of ten of her favorite things, but there was a twist. She was assigned the letter "O" for her list. I asked Kat to sign me up and send me a letter. She sent me the letter "V."

Here are 10 of my favorite things that start with the letter V.

1. Vacation -- Preferably to locations such as these.

2. Videos
These days I tend to have the most fondness for videos such as these, that will keep my kids occupied for a while so I can cook. Personally, I still have a fondness for romantic comedies -- particularly with Hugh Grant or John Cusack, or the overcoming obstacles genre of movies like Rudy.

3. Vibrant Colors
They make me happy!

4. Visionaries
I love people who are leaders, who are idealistic, and believe in the goodness of people. People who can inspire and bring people together to do great things like this.

5. Valhalla

The graduate student pub at Rice University. It was a great place to hang out with friends during my challenging Ph.D. in Chemistry experience.

6. Vegetables
I get produce delivered from a local farm. My all time favorite vegetable is corn on the cob.

These days I have a fondness for brussel sprouts and winter greens.

7. Vulnerability
I like people who are authentic. I like people who wear their hearts on their sleeves. I like people who honestly and openly let you into their lives. I like people who are proud to be who they are. This inspires me.

8. Visiting Friends and Family
I love being around the people I love. I don't make enough time to spend with my friends, and I really should fix that.

9. Van Morrison
I like music, and listen to many kinds, but I always have a soft spot for singer songwriters -- probably because of their vulnerability.

10. Vanilla Yogurt
I like vanilla yogurt for breakfast -- with fruit, granola or Grapenuts. It is my favorite flavor of yogurt, and I usually by the big tub.

If you want to play along, please let me know and I will give you a letter.

Gratitude (135/365)

2008-11-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

Today I am grateful for:

good food -- especially my Dad's stuffing
spending the day with family
getting to hold Carly for a while
hearing from my brother who is in Indonesia
chatting with my sister
recycling Christmas cards into Christmas tree ornaments with my family
how much fun my sons have playing with their cousins
reading to my oldest son before he went to bed
deciding to not buy Christmas presents this year except for the kids
my life, especially the people in it -- both in the blog world and in real life

Nicci

Take The Vow

2008-11-27T21:32:00.000-08:00

Gratitude (132-134/365)

2008-11-27T08:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was grateful for:

being able to go down to the grocery store to print photos
playing tent with my youngest son under a blanket
playing crashing cars with my oldest son
my husband's aunts for watching the kids while I went to my doctor's appointment
an ob/gym that I really like
good health
decaf coffee
some alone time
figuring out a Christmas present for my oldest son, and being able to use gift certificates to pay for most of it
talking to my friend on the phone
talking with my husband in the evening

Tuesday I was grateful for:

teamwork
helpful people
getting our IRB proposal submitted
playing trains with my sons
my oldest son saying that playing with Play Doh cars makes him so happy
Japanese food -- especially seaweed salad

Monday I was grateful for:

my oldest son doing great at his first dentist visit
having a dentist that I really like
meeting with my yoga trainer and making a personalized routine for my hip
being able to talk to my trainer about how hard of a time I have been having lately
hiring a trainer to help me through the rough patches so I don't quit my goal of being healthy
being able to make a difference through the blog world

Let's Say Thanks

2008-11-25T07:54:00.001-08:00

Monday Motivator

2008-11-24T02:34:00.000-08:00

One measure of leadership is the caliber of people who choose to follow you.

--Dennis A. Peer

Gratitude (130-131/365)

2008-11-23T20:27:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

the good night kisses my youngest son kept giving me before he went to bed
taking my oldest son grocery shopping with me
yoga class
another hour and half of alone time after wards
cooking a menu inspired by my friend's blog
grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup for lunch
sunshine
running into friends
starting laundry tonight so I have less to do tomorrow
finally developing the habit consistently to take my own bags to the grocery store

Yesterday I was grateful for:

time spent at my in-laws shop
visiting San Francisco
beautiful weather
crab
sourdough bread
clam chowder
the way my sons find the pigeons and sea gulls the best part of the trip
crock pots
going to bed by 8pm
my oldest son wanting me to act out scenes from Finding Nemo with him
Kung Fu Panda the DVD -- it is a good movie to have to watch over and over again

Gratitudes (126-129/365)

2008-11-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

I miss doing my gratitudes more often. I need to get a routine going that works for me.

Today I am grateful for:

warm sunshine
my oldest son telling me that he wanted to eat eggs for breakfast
a play date at a friends house
seeing some mom's that I haven't seen in a while
that my co-workers partner is doing OK after a car accident
my youngest son's nap
making steel cut oatmeal in the Crockpot
leftover Indian food
fresh produce delivery
the nice neighbor and her dog that we met while take a walk
a supportive and informational email from my college roommate

Yesterday I was grateful for:

watching students teach some lessons
guest speaking in a class
watching the last episodes of House Season 4 on DVD
going to bed early
seeing my brother and his girlfriend
speaking up when I was hungry and moving a meeting to a cafe
a cheeseburger

Wednesday I was grateful for:

the fact that Carly did not have to get a shunt put in
getting up the guts to have a difficult conversation
the thank you email I got after the conversation
lunch with my management mentor
finding out he got accepted by Stanford
being able to see change in myself
coffee with a friend/coworker
feeling inspired by an idea
being able to move forward with the idea
the activity of campus and the interesting things to see
my last Awakening Joy class -- I highly recommend it. It is starting again in Feb. It has definitely improved my life.
reconnecting with former students

Tuesday I was grateful for:

having a team of people that I like to work with
finding out what was inspiring and making my co-workers feel good
interviewing and finding good people for a position
my parents and the flexibility in my child care situation
the way my youngest son says please -- "peas"
chats with my oldest son and his interesting perspective on life
music
my oldest son being willing to go downstairs and play by himself so I could sleep in a little more

What Number are You?

2008-11-21T10:01:00.000-08:00

I saw this over at Sacred Ruminations.

You Are 9: The Peacemaker

You are emotionally stable and willing to find common ground with others.

Your friends and family often look to you to be the mediator when there is conflict.

You are easy going and accepting. You take things as they come.

Avoiding conflict at all costs, you're content when things are calm.

At Your Best: You feel connected, trusting, and fulfilled. You feel at peace with your place in the world.

At Your Worst: You compromise your values to make sure peace is maintained. You give in to bullies.

Your Fixation: Harmony

Your Primary Fear: Causing conflict

Your Primary Desire: To preserve things as they are

Other Number 9's: Marge Simpson, Ronald Reagan, Audrey Hepburn, Jerry Seinfeld, and Abraham Lincoln.

What Number Are You?

Gratitude (123-125/365)

2008-11-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

warm sunshine on my skin as I was driving in my car
music
my ipod and the ease with which I can listen to my music
my Dad
celebrating his birthday with my family
my husband staying home to watch the kids since I have to go to work to have lunch with a donor
funny conversations with my oldest son
pumpkin muffins and my friend who gave me the recipe
clean clothes

Yesterday I was grateful for:

my friend's email gratitudes
having a gratitude buddy
a warm sunny day
the Bay Area Discovery Museum
Corporate Sponsor day and getting in free since our uncle works at one of the corporate sponsors
hanging out with family
watching my sons have fun playing at the museum
grocery shopping
a nice warm bath
some quiet time

Saturday I was grateful for:

my in-laws
my brother in law
the family atmosphere at their hair salon
sunny weather
a nap

Monday Motivator

2008-11-17T02:33:00.000-08:00

It takes courage to hold visions that are not in the social mainstream . . . But it is exactly that courage to take a stand for one's vision that distinguishes people with high levels of personal mastery.

--Peter Senge

Gratitude (118-122/365)

2008-11-14T16:55:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for:

time with my sons
the joy they had playing in water in the gutter
Kung Fu Panda
my husband letting me get an hour nap in this morning before he left for work
winter squash and sweet potatoes
the acupuncturist Carly saw today
beautiful weather
deciding to have a party at my house for all of my work colleagues
a mellow day
the start of a new 45 day challenge tomorrow
tickle time with my youngest son

Yesterday I was grateful for:

productive meetings
seeing a future teacher excited
moving forward on a work retreat
making decisions on how to move forward on some other things
packing my lunch
not putting too many demands on myself
chatting with my oldest son on the way home
House DVDs
some signs that Carly may not need to have a shunt
my parents
the pumpkin bread my mom gave me

Wednesday I was grateful for:

meeting with my yoga trainer
the idea to find professional development for myself
meeting professors from Australia
their support for my ideas and what I am doing in my job
regular meetings with Bob and Gail
spending some really good quality time with a friend
having a good chat with a friend
a good dinner
an evening on my own

Tuesday I was grateful for:

having the day off
spending the day with my sister and Carly
watching Carly so my sister could run errands
lots of cuddle time with Carly
Carly being mellow so my sister and I could have a long lunch and talk
having a sister
feeling really connected to my sister
Carly's smile
black bean soup
a play date at a friends house
getting to talk to another mom
the fun all 3 of the kids had together
finding out that the acupuncturist would see Carly
hearing from an old friend

Monday I was grateful for:

seeing Julie for her thank you lunch
writing her a not on a plain piece of paper even though I had forgotten to buy a card
a nice long lunch with co-workers
good conversation
a mellow day without too much stress
my inlaws, and their extended family
how much my oldest son loves to play with his 9 year old cousin
that his cousin was able to come to our house to play for a while
cooking dinner
brussel sprouts

Monday Motivator

2008-11-10T02:31:00.000-08:00

If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work.

--Thich Nhat Hanh